Be Careful What You Wish For

As a single woman, I’ve been rather eager the past few months to meet a man to go out with. I’m not interested in getting serious with anyone, whatever that means. I really just want to have some fun and companionship. At a party a couple of weeks ago, I was set to meet This Guy, the brother of a friend’s friend. It turned out to be a night of good food, good music, plenty of beer and a designated driver at a starry location out in the country. I pretty much threw myself at This Guy, making a tasteful pass at him so he’d have no doubts about whether I was interested. The Friday following the party, we went to a bar on the beach and had a couple of glasses of wine and flirted a lot. Maybe this is my middle age talking, but I liked how comfortable I was with him. Then, on Sunday night, we went to dinner and had an equally nice time. When he took me home, he said he’d call me.I heard from him again on Friday afternoon. We ended up going to dinner, then took the long way back to my house. Saturday I had a great day with friends that included yoga, a gyro sandwich and a local arts fest. On the way home, I persuaded myself to go clothes shopping — a necessary evil for me. By the time I was carrying the bags in the door, I was pooped. When This Guy called me Saturday late in the afternoon to ask what I was up to, I told him I was doing laundry and reading. I declined his dinner invitation because, well, because I wanted to do my laundry and read my book. After chatting a few more minutes, we hung up. An hour or so later, he called again. He was headed home from a work errand and was nearby. He asked me about dinner again and I think I was a bit short in reiterating my intent to stay in that night. I think I hurt his feelings, which made me feel bad. He’s a nice guy who wanted to take me to dinner. We ended up going out and having a very nice time. By the time I hung up the phone with him Sunday evening, I realized things had escalated. One sign of escalation is when he calls and doesn’t identify himself but you know who it is. And when you hang up, he doesn’t say I’ll call you soon; he says I’ll call you tomorrow. And then he does.

While I have enjoyed This Guy’s company immensely, I also am comfortable spending time by myself. My weekday routine is well established, keeps me active and in touch with my close friends. After work on Mondays, I pick up one friend and head to the gym to lift weights. On Tuesdays, we go to yoga class after work. On Wednesdays, I walk the track with another friend or we water-jog or kick laps. On Thursdays, I attend another yoga class. On Fridays I do weights again. All of this activity is subject to change, depending on the weather and other opportunities. For instance, this week a friend of mine from Cleveland will be here working. She is bringing her tennis racket and we’re going to hit the courts after work on Wednesday.

But now I’ve got This Guy who wants to get together during the week. I find myself resisting his invitations. I don’t want to lose the good thing I’ve got going with my fitness routine and my friends. I also don’t want to sacrifice an ounce of my independence. The older, wiser me knows better than to give up a yoga practice to go out with This Guy. Now I wonder if maybe decent men in my age group have caught on, too. Instead of trying to talk me out of my workout, he has offered to bring Chinese over after I get home from yoga. Sounds like a win-win to me. But the past couple of days, in the back of my mind I keep hearing the phrase “Be careful what you wish for . . .”